From Numbness to Joy

Written by: Carson Watts

“I’ve felt so numb the past year. Even though I’m in a new supportive relationship, I struggle to feel as connected and joyful as I want to feel. Moving through life my normal responses are muted. How can I feel more connection, joy, and emotional depth?” asked my client.  

We were talking about increasing our emotional range with the hopes of feeling more love, closeness, connection, and joy.

The client had experienced trauma as a child and adult, and had to stuff down his emotions to survive. Like me, he holds space and council for people during hard times, and is repulsed by too many men hogging the mic, taking up space at others’ expense. Ironically, men keeping quiet or minimizing their emotions can come from a desire to uplift folks from other genders, yet the result is the same run-of-the-mill stoicism. Few feelings are shared or expressed, and opportunity for deep connection is lost.

I’ve spent many years of my life lonely, longing for deeper friendships, and I’ve realized my stoicism isn’t serving anyone. 

It’s hard to open our inner worlds when we’ve been trained from birth to mute our emotions, or if you’ve been in situations that required you to shut down to survive. 

While stoicism is common in men, folks from every gender block their emotions to deal with hardship. The pull of modernity is powerful - busyness is glorified, moving quickly from one experience to the next is ramped up by technology – and a culture of avoidance is common. Avoiding pain and discomfort limits our capacity for feeling, and shrinks our joy and happiness.

So, what can we do? What’s a path forward for greater connection and joy?

Here’s what I’m doing and recommending:

You’re not alone in wanting deeper connections and feeling more love, closeness, and care. If this resonates, please give these two recommendations a try. Deeper friendship and intimacy are just around the river bend.