How to Survive Holiday Family Drama

Written by: Selysa Love

Family is supposed to be a wellspring of unconditional love, support, and comfort. But for those of us who grew up in dysfunction, family gatherings can be a mixed bag, or just tough.  

Whether there’s one relative that loves to push buttons, you need to avoid politics at the dinner table, or the whole dynamic is chaotic, remember that your well-being comes first. Use these tips to care for yourself at your upcoming holiday celebrations. 

1. Schedule self care before and after the family gatherings.

If you are already nervous about the upcoming events, that means it's time to gift yourself support now. The more resourced you are now, the more resilient you will be later. Book a Reiki session, a bubble bath, or a date with your bestie. Fill your cup up before triggering relatives have a chance to drain it.

Once the event is over, get more self care! The emotions stirred up can be an opportunity to release old unexpressed feelings of hurt, fear, and abandonment, and to validate - and then soothe - your past. Healthy grieving can point to your still unmet needs, and guide you to getting those met. 

2. Practice the art of changing the subject.

Sometimes the best way to avoid tension is to simply redirect the conversation. This allows you to protect your emotional space without confrontation, while maintaining the flow of the conversation. Here’s a few lines you might try:

“Did you take any fun trips this year?” 

“Remember when (share a funny memory)?” 

“Can we change the subject?” 

3. Walk away

You don’t need an excuse to take space. You never need to subject yourself to emotional damage. You can gently excuse yourself by saying:

“Excuse me, I need to use the restroom.”

“I’m going to get some fresh air.”

4. Embody Compassion and Unconditional Love

On your way to the family gathering, listen to this loving-kindness meditation. Visualize sending love to every person you will see there. This can keep you centered in compassion for yourself and your relatives.

This doesn’t mean tolerating harmful behavior, but rather choosing to respond from a place of compassion rather than reacting from hurt. By embodying unconditional love, you shift the energy around you and create space for healing—both for yourself and others. 

We’re here to support you during this season of connection. May you have the strength to embrace your most authentic self with care this holiday season.